Battleship Trailer Ruins Favorite Childhood Game

By now, we’re used to Hollywood take a dump on our favorite childhood television shows, comic books, and video games.  I’ve seen them completely change the story of my favorite game.  I’ve seen them focus on a character that never even existed in the game’s universe and make a plot that revolves around her (this is a Resident Evil reference if you haven’t caught on).  I’ve seen it with my own eyes!  Take a popular game or show, throw some big-ass explosions into it, and slap the popular title on it.  Then, release it into theaters and laugh your way to the bank as the countless number of sheep will see it, mostly in hopes of reliving some childhood nostalgia.  Unfortunately, they see it, only to leave feeling pissed off at how much Hollywood has ruined their childhood obsession.  Why can’t they just stick to the original freaking plot line!  Better yet, why not just STOP ruining the originals!  Please, just stop!

Just when you thought they have drained every possible market, they turn to something I have known they had up their sleeves for quite a long time, yet feared entirely: Board Games.  Apparently, ruining every other childhood love of mine wasn’t enough for the big executives in Hollywood.  Now they have to somehow think of a way to milk board games for all they’ve got.  If you haven’t heard yet, the newest cash cow for them will be Battleship.  Yes, the game that involves two people sitting across from each other, randomly guessing spots on a map to attack in hopes of sinking the other’s ships.  A game of pure luck and pure fun.  For some odd reason, Hollywood has the idea that this game—a game that’s only goal is to sink the opponent’s ships—would be the perfect big-screen blockbuster. 

After slamming my head into the desk in an attempt to wake myself up from this horrible nightmare, I pulled myself together and tried to think of what could possibly inspire someone to think this would be a good movie.  What thought process does someone have to go through to think of recreating Battleship into a movie?  Then I thought of the checklist of qualities someone would have to find in a game in order to want to make it into a movie.

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Tales of Catherine

GameZone presents the story of Catherine in multiple parts, playing as evil as they can. They skip past the tedious puzzles and only showcase the cutscenes to present the intense, drama-filled story of Catherine.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Star Wars: The Old Republic Fated as a World of Warcraft Clone?

It’s no secret that Star Wars: The Old Republic is one of the most anticipated MMORPGs.  It’s going to have it all: over 200 hours of gameplay unique to each class and your individual character choices; thousands of voiced-over characters to meet and interact with; an in-depth class system that allows you to branch off and determine your own role in the galaxy; and most importantly, it has a universe that has decades of rich history and tradition, coupled with a huge following.  With the traditional films, fan films, and books exploring the many stories in the Star Wars universe, this story-driven massive-multiplayer online game from BioWare and LucasArts has the luxury of creating a game that takes place in an already well-established universe.

There is no doubt that the game will be fun, in the sense that you can explore an age when the war between the Galactic Republic and the Sith Empire was at it’s peak. Ever since the film, I have wanted to be a part of the Star Wars story.  Now I get the chance to.  I get the chance to be the smuggler I’ve always wanted to be. I can also be a Jedi, a Sith, a Bounty Hunter, or choose from an array of classes that BioWare has revealed to us.  I will get a chance to battle the enemies I’ve seen in the movies and read in the books, along with friends.

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Captain America Review

For those of you expecting an open-world, superhero adventure recreating a full-on cinematic experience, Captain America: Super Soldier is sure to disappoint.  Unfortunately, what you’ll be met with is another generic movie-tie-in filled with repetitive gameplay and a linear structure.  This is another cookie-cutter game that follows the structure of hundreds of games released before it.

Don’t expect to re-live scenes from the upcoming movie.  Instead, you will play through a restricted single-player campaign focused solely on exploring and fighting your way through Armin Zola’s castle, located high in the Bavarian mountains.  Though designed to make you feel as though you were in a labyrinth, you won’t have any trouble navigating your way through the multiple wings and levels that exist, as the linear pathways and corridors pretty much guide you which way to go every step of the way.

Remember the cool scenes from the movie trailer?  Captain America busting down doors, guns and shield ablaze?  Or riding a motorcycle into a group of Nazis, with explosions all around?  Yeah, you won’t do any of that in this game.  Instead, you’ll run around destroying countless antennas, anti-aircraft guns, and tanks.  Occasionally, you’ll rescue members of the Howling Commandos, but they are hardly memorable interactions.  The game throws in a ridiculous amount of collectibles that you can find scattered throughout the castle, from ceramic pottery to important Nazi documents.  Of course, these super secret documents are hidden quite well, like right on top of a table or in the middle of the alley pathway.  Some of these items do reveal additional background story, like Armin Zola’s diaries and film reels documenting the history.  Other than that, it feels like these were thrown in just to give you something else to do in between bashing the skulls of Nazis. Collecting these items and defeating enemies earns you experience.  As you level up, you will gain additional abilities (9 maximum), but these hardly effect the moves Cap will perform.  

Read more of my review at GameZone.com

L.A. Noire Review

Look beyond the glitz and glamor of Hollywood and you’ll find a harsher, darker reality. A reality filled crime and corruption.

L.A. Noire takes place in Los Angeles post-World War II. Players assume the role of Cole Phelps, a decorated war hero who continues serving his country by signing up with the L.A.P.D. You start off as a street cop but quickly climb the ranks of the department. As you solve cases, you advance to homicide, vise, and eventually arson investigator. Each new title comes with a new partner, who helps with investigations, fights, and arrests.

Immediately, you’ll notice the massiveness of the game. Rockstar has successfully recreated a dark and gritty 1947 Los Angeles, but it still has that tinseltown charm. The sheer size (it takes about 30 minutes to drive from one side of town to the other) and attention to detail of the environment is remarkable. The cars, buildings, and music are all true to the era, making it easy to become immersed in this crime-stricken city.

The game has 21 “Story” missions. Each follows the same basic format: a crime is committed, and you must investigate the scene by finding clues, questioning witnesses, and interrogating suspects.

L.A. Noire uses a new technology called MotionScan. This groundbreaking technology features 32 HD cameras surrounding the actors, allowing their actions and facial expressions to be transferred directly into the game. While this hi-res 3D recreation of the face is nice to look at, it serves an even bigger purpose in the game.

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Master Chief: Discharged 'Office Bully' Episode 1

After saving mankind from invading Aliens, Master Chief attempts to transition into the real world. See how he copes with every day life after the war, including his first job as a Sales Representative.

Ms. Splosion Man Review

I’ve never been much of a 2D puzzle-platform gamer. I find them terribly frustrating and repetitive, and I’m not very good at them. Today, I am pleased to announce that Ms. Splosion Man has changed my view on the genre. I’ll admit, I still wasn’t very good at the game, but I had fun playing it. Oftentimes, a reviewer will bash a game and make up faults because he isn’t good at it. Really, though, there is nothing to complain about with this Xbox Live Arcade hit.


Ms. Splosion Man, the sequel to the popular Xbox Live Arcade game Splosion Man, follows closely to the original. The first Splosion man is captured, and as the scientists are celebrating, they drunkenly spill bubbly on the wires. As a result, Ms. Splosion Man is created and must ‘splode her way out of the labs, wreaking havoc everywhere she goes. The goal is to make your way through a series of levels filled with puzzles to avoid capture and move toward an eventual reunion with her explosive mate. Does anyone else get a Pac-Man/Ms. Pac-Man vibe from this? 


Now, I’ve never played the first Splosion Man, so I wasn’t quite sure what to expect from Twisted Pixel. For a first-time Splosion Man player, Ms. Splosion Man throws you right in the action without much tutorial. Luckily, it’s a pretty easy game to ‘splode right into and a lot of fun.


Read More of My Review Here

Duke Nukem Review

The saying goes, “Better late than never.” I wish this was the case for Duke Nukem Forever. Unfortunately, stale gameplay and clumsy mechanics make me wish Forever was left as an idea, rather than made into an actual game. I wanted to like it. I really did. I tried to overlook its shortcomings and enjoy a story and character that brought me back to my childhood.

As far as character is concerned, nothing has changed. Duke is still the same testosterone-raging, foul-mouthed booby-slapper that he was in the 90s. He is a gun-toting badass who treats women as objects, mocks our society, and gets off on squashing aliens. The humor in the game is great. It brought me back to my adolescent days, when I got a rush out of doing things in the game that I wasn’t supposed to do in real life—-like looking at dirty magazines. Boy, did pixelated women ever look so good.

You’d think that after 12 years in the making, the women would look a little better. OK, so the game may have been an idea for 10 of those years, and the other two were development, but the point is that a game for consoles like Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 should look somewhat better than Duke Nukem Forever does. I thought blocky graphics and choppy movements were gone with the original Xbox. I would think the “King” would get the pleasure of a graphical overhaul, but maybe they purposely left us with these graphics for a nostalgia’s sake.

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Man Vs Wild Review

Ever wonder what it’s like to be stranded in the wild? Thanks to Man vs. Wild, players can now experience how that feels. Based off the Discovery Channel’s top-rated television series, Man vs. Wild captures the excitement and adventure of the show.

The game features five authentic environments that players must find their way out of safely. Using the same survival techniques commonly seen on the television show, players must overcome nature’s elements. Following survival expert Bear Grylls, the game incorporates many of the show’s core elements, from building camp fires to catching food. The game even allows players to drink his urine.

Since it’s a lower budget game, the graphics are noticeably lacking. It looks more like a game you’d find for the original Xbox than a 2011 title. It’s unfortunate because a game whose premise relies so heavily on nature ought to convey the visual wonders found there.

What Man vs. Wild loses in graphics, it makes up for with gameplay. The core gameplay features a mix of action-adventure, role-playing, and puzzle-solving. Players are tested with dozens of challenges that range from building a fire to wrestling an alligator. Of course, if you fail to take down the gator the game is much more forgiving than nature would be, respawning you from the last checkpoint reached.

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